This is what I say to the young Jewish boy wondering what I have done with his years. It is in his name that I speak to you and that I express to you my deepest gratitude. No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night. We know that every moment is a moment of grace, every hour an offering; not to share them would mean to betray them. Our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately. - Eli WieselRead More
This piece should be called irony. Because the thing I am most nervous to make a statement about is the exact opposite of the one I was afraid to as I began this journey.
Years ago I was terrified of the stir I would create and rejection I would face if I ever had to admit that I couldn't control my drinking. Admitting I was an alcoholic seemed to be the most terrifying thing I'd have to do. And now on this side of things, a non-drinker who not only refuses the alcoholic label and identity or that it is an "incurable disease" and thinks the word should be put to death, I find myself quietly skirting the issue entirely, terrified.
The funny thing about terror though, is that it normally shows you where you must go.
And oh, here I go.Read More
When I turned to the Healthcare system as a patient - the same system I had dedicated my life to fixing - and discovered first hand how ill equipped (not equipped?) it was to guide me out of a condition that was CLEARLY impacting my health - alcohol addiction and drug addiction - I set out to not only fix myself, but to fix the problem in general.
Only holy shit...it's not a problem. It's an epidemic. Addiction is A $225 BILLION dollar a year epidemic, and alcohol abuse alone is the 4th leading cause of preventable death (1 in 10 of us will die from our drinking habits).
So I did what a lot of people do when they don't like what the market offers - I went out and created my dream model. While Hip Sobriety in no way desires to go after the whole pie, what it does aim to fix and bring awareness to the parts of the problem that significantly impacted my own personal experience. The parts that would have made my life so much easier if they existed not only when I was in the throws of addiction, but much earlier on, when alcohol and drugs first started to deter me from what I wanted to achieve in this life. My dream is to create something for Holly of 2012, so that the Holly's of 2014 and beyond never have to face what I did again.
With that...here are 7 Essential Aims of Hip Sobriety**.
**Hip Sobriety is a severe Type A whose obsessed with Listicles.Read More
Most of my life until quite recently was spent living for the exterior manifest image - a perfectly curated social media image of myself. It was edited. It was photogenic. It looked great on paper. And it was a façade for a grand shit show - a shit show born out of the need to uphold the façade.
I have come to firmly believe that much of what keeps us separate, hidden, anonymous, and ultimately stuck in our own hell is our fear of what other people will think of us if they knew the truth. What keeps us stuck is the attachment to the façade, and what digs us deeper and deeper is the work that goes in to maintaining it. If they only knew x, then they would think y. And my God, they can never think y. Because then it all comes crumbling down.
But what if we could just focus on x, be x? What if we said screw it and forgot about what people thought? What if we didn't have to maintain the façade? What if we could just be?Read More
What we won’t investigate, what we will all fail to do, is question what we did as a society. We will – undoubtedly – completely fail to acknowledge that we still treat addiction as a private matter, a choice of the abuser (see Matthew Perry’s recent interview with Peter Hitchens (“people don’t want to stop”, said Hitchens)), a shame, and an anonymous affair. We will not question that our best “treatment” option is offered in basements and was developed before the break-out of World War II. We will scream “how could he have not been helped!” and cry a thousand tears for this tragedy, and yet we will not examine or question our own personal relationship to substances, or the addictive habits of those who are closest to us.
We will say “he needlessly suffered alone”, and we will totally fail to draw the correlation that addiction and recovery are inherently meant to be suffered and worked alone. From my perspective, Philip Seymour Hoffman had a disease that is encouraged to be treated alone and anonymously. So Philip Seymour Hoffman died alone and had it not been for his star, it most certainly would have been anonymously.Read More
On this eve of my 35th birthday and eve of the anniversary of the birth of my niece (+we share a birthday), I sit alone in my apartment feeling far far from alone, snuggled up on my couch with my blind meowing cat, post strenuous yoga class, looking over the lilac purple twilight as it hugs down around the San Francisco skyline tighter, repeating over and over in my mind the question my yoga instructor asked in class this morning.
“What are you fighting for?”Read More
I have this thronging desire to DO something with my story. Throughout the day, I battle this familiar voice inside that says “you’re not doing enough”. It’s the same story that has helped me be incredibly successful in my career and conversely, desperately unhappy in my life. So when it calls out to me about what I’m supposed to do with my recovery for all of human kind, I get hit in the gut with a sense of irony. Only I could possibly turn my new found self-love into a task that eats away at my self-love.Read More