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I am not fucking afraid.

July 8, 2015 Holly Whitaker

I am not afraid of naked selfies. I am not afraid of credit card debt or bankruptcy or the possibility of living in a van down by a river. I am not afraid of being that girl that "can't anymore" (because I'm that girl that chooses not to anymore, anyway). I'm not afraid of broken hearts or being called names. I'm not afraid of what they say behind my back or what they say to my face. I'm not afraid of losing "friends" and I'm definitely not afraid of being judged for who I am. I'm not afraid to sing. I'm not afraid of shining my light and owning my happiness or saying things like "I love myself". I'm not afraid of liking the way I look in bathing suits. I'm not afraid of my too-far-apart breasts, either. I'm not afraid of anyone finding out anything because there is no longer anything to find out (okay sometimes I pick my nose so NOW there is nothing to find out). I'm not afraid of being alone or not having kids or finding "him" or wedding invitations that don't have plus ones because it's assumed I'm *still* single. I'm not afraid of losing it all because what is it all anyway. I'm not afraid of fighting for what I believe in and I am not afraid of dying for what I believe in. I'm not afraid of being seen with bad hair, and lately I've become less afraid of someone smelling my armpit odor. I'm not afraid of a life without alcohol or pot or cigarettes and one day I won't be afraid of a life without coffee. I'm not even afraid of herpes (I don't have them but life is long and you never know). 

I am not afraid because I know that there's nothing to be afraid of but being afraid. And I refuse to be fucking afraid anymore. 

I know what I am made of. And I am made of things that are strong as fuck. 

And so are you, my love. So are you.

 

 

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