I've not been posting recently for a few reasons. For starters, I've been knee-deep in Hip Sobriety School (we're on day 32 of day 56 today) and essentially all of my juice is going to that. It's been a pretty magic experience so far, and means incredibly good things for all of you who find this site useful - lots of good work to repurpose, Hip Sobriety School #2 already in the making (October/November), there has been lots of generous feedback from the participants on what works and what doesn't work, and most importantly, a TON of content has been created that I'll be sharing here (LOTS of Kundalini practices and other yogic/meditation practices, an upcoming blog on how to create a night ritual and break the "witching hour" habit, an upcoming blog on sugar addiction by Mary Vance, an upcoming blog on the importance of Joy in addiction recovery...plus lots more) over the next few weeks. I'm going to be pushing blogs out again starting this weekend.
I've also been going through my own shit, health issues as discussed before from my recovery and return to health, and also, I've been processing some pretty heavy things and releasing old patterns and trauma in what I'd call an "accelerated fashion" (okay I've been a hot fucking mess). As always, it's been terribly inconvenient, and yet also incredibly timely. All of it has led me to new tools, practices, understandings, and so on, all of it happening as I'm a container for it to happen, all of it a means to better content to share with you.
So today's post is kind of a cheat, because it's more of a "hi I'm alive and I have a lot of shit to post and I promise I will soon and in the mean time here are someone else's words". But this is also something that I should have posted in full a long time ago. Because it's one of the pieces of literature that has sustained me on my path time and again, and one that I share with almost all my clients at the beginning of the journey or at least somewhere along the journey.
The thing that most people believe as they are starting out on the path of sobriety is that alcohol or drugs or whatever addiction it is is completely fucking up their lives and if it just went away, if they could just stop doing it, that would fix everything. Most of us believe sobriety is the key to everything in that if we could just be sober, then everything would be okay.
The truth is that sobriety isn't the fix. It isn't the key to happiness in of itself. The truth is sobriety is the key that opens to door to happiness. When we do the work to stop drinking and drugging, and the work to build lives in which we don't need to drink and drug, we unlock the door to the potential our lives hold.
When we do the work to stop drinking and drugging, we unlock the door that stands in between who we think we are and Who We Are.
I look at my addiction not as the thing that happened to me or the thing that I had to deal with, but rather as the flare that went up in the sky calling me to return home. Calling me to look at my life in a way that most people can't or don't or won't. As the thing that was screaming "this is not what you are here to do. Follow me. I will show you the way."
Sobriety is the true starting line of the path back to one's self and also the path to one's greatest potential. The true starting line of the awakening to who we truly are and what we are here to do. The place where we start the real work on what it means to be a human and what it means to live a life.
Yesterday a client reminded me that she doesn't have to do this work. She gets to do this work. This is her privilege. Her hard won privilege. And so to is it yours. We have tried the "normal way" and it didn't work. And so we begin the real journey home. It is tough as fuck. Like tough as mother fucking fuck plus fuck squared. That is for certain. But it is most definitely a privilege bestowed upon us. Our subversive invitation to awaken to Who We Are. Our subversive invitation to do the work that most people won't do so we can live lives that most people can't live.
The Question Holds The Lattern by John O'Donohue.
Humans have an uncanny ability to domesticate everything they touch. Eventually, even the strangest things become absorbed into the routine of the daily mind with its steady geographies of endurance, anxiety and contentment. Only seldom does the haze lift, and we glimpse for a second, the amazing plenitude of being here. Sometimes, unfortunately, it is suffering or threat that awakens us. It could happen that one evening, you are busy with many things, netted into your role and the phone rings. Someone you love is suddenly in the grip of an illness that could end their life within hours. It only takes a few seconds to receive that news. Yet, when you put the phone down, you are already standing in a different world. All you know has just been rendered unsure and dangerous. You realise that the ground has turned into quicksand. Now it seems to you that even mountains are suspended on strings.
If you could imagine the most incredible story ever, it would be less incredible than the story of being here. And the ironic thing is that story is not a story, it is true. It takes us so long to see where we are. It takes us even longer to see who we are. This is why the greatest gift you could ever dream is a gift that you can only receive from one person. And that person is you yourself. Therefore, the most subversive invitation you could ever accept is the invitation to awaken to who you are and where you have landed. Plato said in The Symposium that one of the greatest privileges of a human life is to become midwife to the birth of the soul in another. When your soul awakens, you begin to truly inherit your life. You leave the kingdom of fake surfaces, repetitive talk and weary roles and slip deeper into the true adventure of who you are and who you are called to become. The greatest friend of the soul is the unknown. Yet we are afraid of the unknown because it lies outside our vision and our control. We avoid it or quell it by filtering it through our protective barriers of domestication and control. The normal way never leads home.
Once you start to awaken, no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns. Now you realise how precious your time here is. You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self; your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language. You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity. Now you are impatient for growth, willing to put yourself in the way of change. You want your work to become an expression of your gift. You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells. You want your God to be wild and to call you to where your destiny awaits.
You have come out of Plato’s Cave of Images into the sunlight and the mystery of colour and imagination. When you begin to sense that your imagination is the place where you are most divine, you feel called to clean out of your mind all the worn and shabby furniture of thought. You wish to refurbish yourself with living thought so that you can begin to see. As Meister Eckhart says: Thoughts are our inner senses. When the inner senses are dull and blurred, you can see nothing in or of yourself; you become a respectable prisoner of received images. Now you realise that ‘eternal vigilance is the price of liberty’ and you undertake the difficult but beautiful path to freedom. On this journey, you begin to see how the sides of your heart that seemed awkward, contradictory and uneven are the places where the treasure lies hidden. You begin to become true to yourself. And as Shakespeare says in Hamlet: To thine own self be true, then as surely as night follows day, thou canst to no man be false.
The journey shows you that from this inner dedication you can reconstruct your own values and action. You develop from your own self-compassion a great compassion for others. You are no longer caught in the false game of judgement, comparison and assumption. More naked now than ever, you begin to feel truly alive. You begin to trust the music of your own soul; you have inherited treasure that no one will ever be able to take from you. At the deepest level, this adventure of growth is in fact a transfigurative conversation with your own death. And when the time comes for you to leave, the view from your death bed will show a life of growth that gladdens the heart and takes away all fear.