When I was 15 years old, I went to a New Year's Eve party at Justin Wedel's and I got drunk and made out with Bobby Majors and he touched my boob, and I told him no one had ever touched my boob. That was the last good New Year's Eve I've had.
I don't remember EVER having a spectacular New Year's Day. Ever.
As far as I am concerned, if we just wiped both these days off the calendar, we'd be happier as a human race.
For the past few weeks, I've been in some sort of blog paralysis trying to write up the requisite retrospection and prospection or ritualization that I've somehow believed was necessary for this day and the next - to provide you with something special to hold on to as we move from 2015 to 2016. But that would be a total crock of shit, at least coming from me. Because I don't close out the year. Because I don't have ritual for this day or the next. Because I have never kept a resolution. Because after my 7pm gong bath and Kundalini class tonight, I'm coming home and putting in ear plugs and treating tomorrow as Friday, and the only thing that I'll do differently is write 2016 instead of 2015 in my journal.
Here is the thing, and the thing that I hold most dear as I move through my life as it is today. What matters is not the markers of time, or the days we assign as special, or the days that our society tells us are special. What matters is not what we do on a holiday, or for that matter, what we don't do on a holiday. What matters is what we do every single day of our entire lives. That is what matters. That is where change is born and felt and experienced and tried and wrestled. That is where failures and triumphs and LIFE happens. All the time. Every second, every moment, every minute.
I do not have a resolution or a plan or something major I'm going to change tomorrow. It is not my jumping off point or my opportunity or my anything. It is just another day in trying to do the best that I can, and in holding up the commitments that I have made to myself. It is just another day in which I will try and remember the same thing that I try and remember each and every moment of my life - that it all matters. That there was never a time when we couldn't change our story. That there is never anything that doesn't count. That we can do amazingly hard things, and that we can be born again and again and again, no matter how much we fail. That we are not our stories, we are not our past, that we are not our failures or our fuck ups or our mistakes or our badness or our goodness. That we are each unfathomably strong, shining things, and that everything we ever wanted is already ours to have, and has already happened somewhere down the line.
And so it is with this, that I close out the blog for 2015 (which now that I'm saying it seems ritualistic), and wish you not just an amazing New Year's Eve, or the best year of your life, but your best life. Period. Every second, every moment, every minute. It is all yours. And it all matters.
With all my love and all my hope and all my belief in all you can do, all the time.