While this post is intended for the newly sober at Thanksgiving, it's actually a great post for ANYONE looking for a more peaceful, healthy, and flowing Thanksgiving holiday - sober or not - and is also a great post to keep in your toolbox for any high-stress social situation.
1. Go into it knowing you are not going to drink.
This I cannot stress enough. Drinking doesn't begin with drinking. As all actions do, It begins with a thought. A seed is planted in our mind, and our bodies carry out the action. If you're on the fence as you go in to the holiday about whether or not you are going to drink, you are planting the seed that you might, and therefore, setting yourself up for some major battle of will, unnecessary guilt, and - most likely - a not so sober holiday. The strength to do comes from your undivided decision. So make up your mind now by eliminating the option altogether and tell yourself you are not going to drink. No matter what.
2. Get EXCITED about it!!!!
Once you've made up your mind, get super pumped about it. Better yet, start visualizing yourself sober and drinking fizzy water as the rest of your clan becomes inebriated, and literally FEEL the sense of pride in your restraint. Imagine the extra slices of pie you can consume or whatever the hell it is you skimp on. Imagine how much PRETTIER and HEALTHIER you'll be on Black Friday! Imagine remembering the whole night, what it will feel like to not be hung-over or bloated with the weekend ahead of you, and returning to work on Monday refreshed. If you need more inspiration, check out this piece, 12 Fabulous Things About Sobriety.
3. Get your toolbox ready.
Come up with a list of five things that help you manage stress, keep you happy, and in your peace. Some of my favorites to take with me on the holidays:
Lavender oil or peppermint oil. When I feel overwhelmed or on edge or disconnected or even depressed, I place a drop on my hands, rub my palms together, cup my nose, and inhale deeply a few times. Instant mood change. Use a citrus based oil like grapefruit or lemon if you struggle with holiday blues. You can pick up essential oils on Amazon, doTerra online, or at natural foods stores like Whole Foods.
This meditation. The Tattva Balance Beyond Stress and Duality meditation is my favorite. Doing it for just 3 minutes brings me back to my center immediately. It's great for escaping a negative mind set, centering, grounding, and also feeling my spirit and aliveness. It can be done in bathroom stalls standing up if needed.
10 Long Deep Breaths. If you can control your breath, you can control your mind. You can do this non-ceremoniously (like while in line at a store or even at the dinner table - just inhale for a count of five and exhale for a count of five), or you can find a quiet private place and do it meditation style as follows. Sit in easy pose (legs folded in front of you). Breath in through your nose for a count of five, eyes closed and rolled up to your third eye point if possible. Breath out the mouth, exhaling to a count of five. For extra release, stick your tongue out as you exhale and make a "HAAAAAAA" sound, blowing out the air, the heat, and the stress. For a full tutorial check out this post.
Amino Acid Relief. If you feel stressed, drop a GABA Calm lozenge under your tongue and let it dissolve. It's literally a chill pill. If you are craving alcohol or sugar or just feel like your whole nervous system is "firing", open up an L-Glutamine capsule and empty the contents under your tongue/let it dissolve.
4. Act like a vegan.
Remember that you are a non-drinker, it's a choice you have made, and you are by no means obligated to engage in discussions about your choice. You don't push it on others or ask them why they drink, and you are by no means required to justify or explain your choice. You don't drink. End of story. If it's your first holiday around people who don't know you're a non-drinker, here is a post on Coming Out Sober: 8 Tips To Navigate Your Social Life to help you out.
5. Be prepared for family shit and other people shit.
Stay in your peace and power by employing these four practices.
Remember what anyone says to you or how they act towards you is NEVER about you. It's about them and their perception of the world, their judgments, their story. Your reaction to them - however - is about you. Keep focus on that. It's the only thing you have control over.
Consider everyone an angel. I wrote about this here and it's by far one of the greatest tools in my toolbox. I consider every single encounter divine, a perfect lesson designed to help me grow in my own skin and space, and every single person an angel. The relationships that challenge me the most as gifts, showing me the places where I can still grow, and I use them for this purpose. This makes me not a victim, but a student.
Don't engage and remember your safety lies in your defenselessness. The first act of war is defense. And so it goes, that if you find yourself letting someone push your buttons, or find yourself defending something, you are perpetuating the problem. The best way to handle a situation that tends to get your goat is to simply remove your energy from the situation. I always imagine when someone says something to me that makes me want to jump into defense or attack mode, that they are swinging at me, and instead of blocking the punch or swinging back, I move out of the way. I imagine their energy floating right past me, and them tiring themselves out when the punches they are throwing aren't landing. Don't defend, don't swing back, and find POWER in your ability to not engage and perpetuate bad energy.
Set MAJOR boundaries and put yourself FIRST. You don't have to engage in every conversation or relationship, you don't have to do everything you're asked, you don't have to do anything that compromises your sobriety or your path. All you have to do is take care of yourself and keep in mind that you are IN RECOVERY FROM SOMETHING THAT KILLS PEOPLE. So act like it. One of my favorite blogs ever is Laura McKowen's Pregnancy Principal, which states: (1) Your well-being comes first, (2) If it doesn’t support your well-being, don’t do it. (3) Be unapologetically selfish with your energy and time. To read more on this, check out the full post.
6. Treat Yo' Self.
Practice EXTREME SELF CARE and REWARD THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF. Self-care is beyond important - especially during the holiday season where our eating habits go to shit, we're traveling, out of our routine, and possibly engaging in stressful relationships. Stay hydrated, take baths, do yoga, keep your meditation practice, set aside time to journal, read spiritual texts, eat good foods, relax. Reward is even more important. Reinforce the good you are doing by giving yourself a distinct and tangible reward. Book a massage for the weekend, buy a new tube of lipstick, take yourself to a movie, buy that book you've been meaning to read and set time aside to read it, or maybe even just allow yourself a few hours in your pjs watching shitty TV. Decide what it is now, and decide when you'll do it, and put it in your calendar.
7. Listen to the Podcast!
If you want more, listen to the HOME Podcast Laura and I did on surviving the holidays.