Loneliness is a funny thing. It can sink you to the lowest depths, and exalt you to the highest peaks. It can confuse and entangle and distort you until you don’t know up from down, and at the same time crystalize the fog that is you into a sparkling, edged clarity. It is the last place I want to go, and yet it is always the place I reminisce. It is the space my mind fears. It is the space my soul expands.
The nights I spent in bed with Jameson, spredsheets, spliffs, and Netflix - those blurry, desperate nights that I thought were the loneliest of my life - proved nothing to the loneliness I’ve found along the path leading away from those things.
To walk the road less traveled with such crystalized, sparkling, sober clarity is akin to jumping into a cold lake in the dead of a moonless night. It is dark. You are shocked cold. You are treading. You are alone.
To walk the road less traveled with such crystalized, sparkling, sober clarity is akin to discovering the gold buried in your chest and heart. To finding the secret of life, which is buried in the secret of you. There is light. You are basked in warmth. You are flying. You are not alone. You are never alone.
I set my lonely little foot on the road less traveled. It has not been so much a series of conscious steps that my mind categorically decides as much as a continuous and endless leaping of my soul into the void, my mind and body racing from behind to keep up. Exactly 573 days ago from this writing, I opened the door to that path. Exactly 573 days ago, all of me broke, and something broke free that has run wild into the wind since, leaving all else behind, scorching and burning all that was known as my former self.
Loneliness is my ego's worst nightmare, and it is my soul’s best friend. Without loneliness, there would not have been a crack in the door to step through. Without loneliness, there would not have been room for courage. Because of loneliness, I live in my truth. I am alive. I am free. I am certain. I am brave.
Because of loneliness, I know me. I know my strength. And with certitude, I know I am never ever alone.